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<title>I Will Love You Always by SadLesbianClown</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25373848">I Will Love You Always</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadLesbianClown/pseuds/SadLesbianClown'>SadLesbianClown</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bittersweet, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:14:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>541</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25373848</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadLesbianClown/pseuds/SadLesbianClown</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon grows old, Baz doesn’t. Baz/OC mentioned only briefly. Character death is not explicit, it’s in the past.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Original Male Character(s), Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Will Love You Always</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He speaks before turning. He can hear me, I realize. It’s been some time since I’ve been around them, I’ve forgotten their habits. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s happened, hasn’t it?” Lamb asks. </p><p> </p><p>I nod. </p><p> </p><p>“When?”</p><p> </p><p>“50 years past.” I explain. </p><p> </p><p>“That long?”</p><p> </p><p>“I waited for the kids.” </p><p> </p><p>He nods, “grandkids?”</p><p> </p><p>“They’ve grown. I still keep in touch, but…”</p><p> </p><p>“I understand.”</p><p> </p><p>He walks closer and outstretches a hand. When I take it he pulls me into a hug. </p><p> </p><p>I let myself lean in, the corner of my mouth tugging. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Lamb says. “I know this pain,” he continues. </p><p> </p><p>“Those of our kind are in such a unique position. That we may know love so fully, but in its absence we experience a loss such as no other.” He goes on to say. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Later that evening on the strip, or what’s left of it, America is unrecognizable from the place we visited Simon. This world is unrecognizable, I think. I recall Lamb’s words. “Unique,” he called it. </p><p> </p><p>I don’t feel unique in my suffering. I feel more than ever, human. </p><p> </p><p>I don’t know what scares me more, knowing Simon, our children, my parents, Fi, everyone is gone, or knowing I will one day leave these things. </p><p> </p><p>This is not to say I would, or even am capable of replacing them. They <em> truly </em>were unique. </p><p> </p><p>But I know I will love again, and they will not. </p><p> </p><p>I hope they can forgive me for trying. I’ve been mourning for so long. </p><p> </p><p>That’s why I’ve come here. To learn how to keep my promise. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin, I am so happy,” I said on our anniversary one year. “You could almost believe I’m alive.”</p><p> </p><p>“You <em> are </em> alive Baz,” Simon giggled. </p><p> </p><p>I smiled wide, running my tongue over a fang, he loved it when I did that. “The world might disagree with you there my love.”</p><p> </p><p>He cupped my face with both hands and I leaned into the warmth. “You <em> live </em> Baz.”</p><p> </p><p>He brushed my cheek with his thumb, smile drawing back, present but reserved. “Don’t stop,” he said. “Never stop living. Promise me. Long after I’m gone, that you’ll live. You have too much love to offer this world, to only exist would be a waste.”</p><p> </p><p>“Si,” I had said. “ I appreciate that and all but we don’t even know if I have immortality.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I know,” he said. “Just promise me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I promise,” I swore, grabbing his pinky finger with mine. How could I deny this man anything? “I promise.” I kissed his knuckles, which led to much more kissing and well. You can fill in the blanks. We were young and in love. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Epilogue</p><p> </p><p>“You really like old music, huh?” He asks. </p><p> </p><p>I want to say “something like that,” but there’s too much ambiguity. Too many questions that don’t have answers. </p><p> </p><p>“Can you hold me?” I ask instead. </p><p> </p><p>The boy obliges. I say boy, he’s a grown man. Everyone feels young to me these days. </p><p> </p><p>He takes me into his arms with a sweet smile. </p><p> </p><p>He really is quite kind. Gentle. He doesn’t have any of Snow’s more explosive traits. Those were my favorite bits, I left them with him. </p><p> </p><p>But for tonight we dance my sorrow, and I pray tomorrow you forgive me. </p><p> </p><p>Please forgive me. </p><p>
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</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And forgive ME! I’m sorry. See this is what happens when I write sweet stuff, I immediately have to counterbalance it with some heart wrenching angst. </p><p>Do you think Baz could find happiness after Simon? Lmk why or why not.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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